SS n Eddy
by Dotson
Summary: The Ed boys are in Nazi Germany.


Chapter 1

Commander Eddy was leading his officers through Rheinstadt. It was 1945 and the Germans were losing the war. Their faithful Führer Kevin would turn that around, though, and lead them to victory. He and his attractive mistress, Nazz, would be coming to Rheinstadt to evaluate the S.S. and to give a speech.

"Lieutenant officer Eddward Double D reporting," said a lanky out of breath officer.

"What have you heard about the rebels?" Eddy asked his lieutenant, hoping for good news.

"Our information says that they will be trying to assassinate Führer Kevin at his speech this afternoon. They will probably send their top man-girl team, The Jimmy and Sarah Exquisite Sharp Shooters."

"Alright," Eddy said in a stern voice, "Round up the Sockhead Elite Taskforce, and we will be ready to intercept the rebels that will try to distract us from The Sharpshooters.

"Oh my," Double D said, "The Sockheads, I haven't got to use such brutality for such a long time. Too long." After a moment of self-gratification, Double D said, "If I'm to take care of the rebels, who will take out the Jimmy and Sarah Exquisite Sharpshooters?"

"As you leave," Eddy said, "Send in Montezuma Ed."

Chapter 2

"Sarah." a high-pitched whiny man-baby voice said in the darkness.

"Yes Jimmy?" Sarah asked.

"After this little doodad do you wanna kick back in a field of daisies and let mother nature relax our weathered souls?"

"That sounds like a great idea Jimmy!" Sarah said.

An object then popped up through a hole in the tree fort that they were sniping from. "What is that Jimmy?" Sarah asked.

"I don't know Sarah."

"Go touch it," Sarah instructed.

It started moving forward. It was rolling and knocked into Jimmy's shoe.

"What is it?" Sarah asked again.

Jimmy reached down and picked it up. "It's an eyeball. Ew," he said dropping it.

Just then Ed burst through the tree fort wall behind the two kids. "My eye!" he said in an abnormally loud yet monotone voice.

Ed punched Sarah out with his face. "Girlfriend!" shrieked the man-baby.

"You're coming with me," Ed said. Ed then picked Jimmy up by the back of his neck and began to carry him like a lioness carries her cubs. Ed then swung Jimmy, with only the strength of his neck, into the adjacent wall of the one he had burst through. He jumped out and ran to the S.S. Sockheadquarters. The eyeball began to yearn for its master and rolled after him.

Chapter 3

Double D walked up to the Sock headquarters. Rolf the lovable yet retarded groundskeeper was outside doing something odd with his penis and a garden hoe. "Gracious." Double D exclaimed, "Put that thing away."

The burly hairy beast of a man that was Rolf put the hoe down and walked over to Double D. "Have the prisoners arrived yet?" enquired Double D.

Rolf let out an unintelligible, "Schneef."

"Oh they have. Take me to Commander Eddy."

"Veeegtor!" Rolf belted out. A goat with a sled strapped to its prat came over. Double D sat himself upon the sled. "Veeegtor!" Rolf yelled out again, and the goat sprinted off.

Inside the Sockheadquarters Double D strolled up to Commander Eddy. He saluted and said, "Heil Kevin." "Heil Kevin," Eddy responded.

Double D didn't beat around the bush. "Please may I begin my interrogation?"

"Wow you don't beat around the bush Double D. Go ahead. His name is Johnny. Code name 2 by 4. Get him to squeal."

As Double D headed off to Johnny's cell, Ed went into the Jimmy and Sarah's holding cell. Eddy thought they should share the same cell to watch each other suffer.

Ed opened the door. He walked in and sat down in a chair facing Jimmy. "So you thought you could assassinate Führer Kevin, did you?"

"No we were just…"

"Liar!" Ed yelled, smacking the shit out of Jimmy's head with the ball peen hammer Kevin had personally given him. "You're in BIG TROUBLE!"

He then untied Jimmy, bent him over backwards, and stuck his head up his own asshole. Those Pilates classes hadn't paid off in the way Jimmy had hoped.

"DEAD!" Ed yelled in Sarah's face. "My name is Ed and you too will be dead."

Sarah began to cry.

"Dry those tears chum," Ed said to her.

"My brothers name was Ed. He was taken from us as a child."

"Baby sister!" Ed yelled jubilantly as he picked her up and hugged her. He then took a cyanide pill and died.

Chapter 4

Double D was at the door to Johnny's interrogation room. He knocked on it 3 slow raps. Then he opened the door a crack. "Knock, knock, knock at your door. Here to punish Johnny 2 by 4."

"If I weren't so peace lovin', I'd…"

"You'd what?"

"Do what you want with me, but let Plank go."

"What are you talking about? The board?" I guess psychological torture won't work on him Double D thought.

"Do you know why they call me Double D?" he asked.

"No and I don't care."

"It's because my penis," he said as he dropped his pants, "is double "dee" size and girth of the normal human dick." he then proceeded to rip Johnny's teeth out with a dirty pliers. Once Johnny was good and toothless Double D laid him down and began face fucking him.

Chapter 5

"We've arrived at Rheinstadt, Kevin" Nazz said.

"Choice," Kevin replied.

"Oh here's the chauffer."

"Son of a shepherd," said the chauffer.

"Lets go Kevin," Nazz insisted.

"Choice."

"Oh hi ya Kev," Eddy said saluting.

"Choice."

"Take us to the prisoners," Nazz said.

"Alright," Eddy replied taking them to a room, "This is where our Ed-spert, Ed, is interrogating the two snipers that were going to shoot you. How would you like to give them a piece of your mind?"

"Choice."

"OK here goes," Eddy said. He opened the door to the interrogation room. What they saw was a girl tied to a chair, a dead foaming at the mouth Ed, and a smashed in faced Jimmy.

"Kevin is that your ball peen?" Nazz asked.

"Choice."

"Well I'll just show you where our Sockhead lieutenant is interrogating one of the rebels."

Once at the door, Eddy reconsidered , thinking about what happened with Ed, so he peaked in the door. "Double D? Double D?"

"Yes Commander Eddy?" Double D replied.

"Oh you're alright," Eddy said.

"Yeah why wouldn't I be?"

"Well something terrible happened with Ed and the prisoners. They're all dead. Where's Johnny?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"What's behind your back?"

"Nothing."

Eddy ran around and saw the horror that was. Plank had been shoved up Johnny's through Johnny's ass and Johnny head was gone. It was just gone.

"Sweet Shit!" Eddy exclaimed, "What have you done?"

"Just like mother's Brussels sprouts," Double D said laughing. He then lunged at Eddy grabbing him. "Shoot her," Nazz said in an Australian accent, "SHOOOOT HER!"

Eddy was dead, his throat eaten out. Double D lay dead with a bullet in his head. Realizing they had lost the war, Kevin and Nazz each took a cyanide capsule and died.

A pair of eyes looked in the door and saw everyone dead. It was Rolf. He turned around and walked out of the building and down the street. Slowly his hands started to lose their palsy. His gait got better and he lost his limp. He lost his hunch and stood upright. He then lit a cigarette and got into Kobayashi's car.


End file.
